This Season is Coming to an End.

I am coming to terms, sort of, that I will only have two children. That I will only bring two children earthside and that their little lives are the only little lives that my husband and I will experience. The moments are fleeting and never did we think that we would only stop having kids when we reached two; but here we are and here is our truth.

Now I know some of y'all will say adoption is an option and it is. But there is a season of mourning that I am going through knowing that my body will never carry another child. I will never feel swift kicks vibrate through my womb and become visible on my stomachs surface. I am thankful that I was afforded the blessing of bringing two children earthside, it is an honor most women cannot do; but it still does not soften the heartache that I feel daily knowing that our son is our last baby and he wants to grow up too quickly.

Soaking in our moments is hard. It's life though, it is the season of motherhood that I am in. I know that I should be (& trust me, I am) thankful for our two beautiful and healthy children, but we wanted so many more baby feet pattering on our floors with tiny cries in the middle of the night & clingy newborns/infants who want to be held and loved on. This season, our last infant season, is closing in and I can't help but reflect on these things. Soon our son will be just as independent and determined as our daughter and while I cannot wait for that day, to see his personality shine, I also wish time would linger and go in slow motion.